I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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