Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
