So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
