So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
