Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
