I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
only if we run a train.
done.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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