On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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