I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
