I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize