ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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