At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
