I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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