Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
