I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
