brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
