I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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