So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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