ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Quick, to the slutcave!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
