Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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