At least make sure they are 18
Why
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
