Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
