She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
