K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
