Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
