i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
