Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
honey bunches of taint.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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