bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
