it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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