What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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