and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
