I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
