How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
