I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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