Pappa wants mamma naked
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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