Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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