whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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