He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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