so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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