One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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