____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
