The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
