all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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