FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
