oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
