Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
