I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
