Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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