Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize