Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
