This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize