I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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