I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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