y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
