"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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