My room smells like vodka and shame
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
