Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
