I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
worst night to have a conscience
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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