My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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