I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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