how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
