Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
