It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
