When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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