You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
