TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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