he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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