allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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