Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Potential corruption. He's 19.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Get them while they're young!

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  (248): Potential corruption. He's 19. (1-248): Get them while they're young! http://tfl.nu/cezi
  Replies (2) Good night (1600) Bad night (544)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure

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  (506): drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure http://tfl.nu/j4nn
  Replies (12) Good night (3154) Bad night (1130)
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  (818): View more from California

  Everything about him screamed your future.

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  (818): Everything about him screamed your future. http://tfl.nu/rljr
  Replies (4) Good night (3336) Bad night (1013)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.

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  (203): just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now. http://tfl.nu/42b8
  Replies (7) Good night (2790) Bad night (1005)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?

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  (803): Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass? http://tfl.nu/vxrr
  Replies (16) Good night (1137) Bad night (2353)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....

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  (817): Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system.... http://tfl.nu/zett
  Replies (9) Good night (2893) Bad night (904)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

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  (919): I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o9nw
  Replies (12) Good night (2549) Bad night (1510)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.

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  (610): Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates. http://tfl.nu/faj1
  Replies (5) Good night (2630) Bad night (761)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka

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  (512): Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka http://tfl.nu/edtb
  Replies (8) Good night (1955) Bad night (909)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.

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  (262): I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could. http://tfl.nu/ywgy
  Replies (5) Good night (1037) Bad night (616)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck

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  (587): So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes. (403): Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck http://tfl.nu/3zrr
  Replies (7) Good night (1881) Bad night (1161)
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  (760): View more from California

  He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

  (619): View more from California

  he what???

  (760): View more from California

  Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

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  (760): He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came. (619): he what??? (760): Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans. http://tfl.nu/7sag
  Replies (6) Good night (2135) Bad night (453)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.

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  (440): The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult. http://tfl.nu/70ah
  Replies (5) Good night (696) Bad night (426)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?

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  (202): I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right? http://tfl.nu/xedt
  Replies (3) Good night (831) Bad night (445)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night

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  (248): So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night http://tfl.nu/96c5
  Replies (5) Good night (394) Bad night (877)

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