Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist