Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
