I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions