its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs