Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.