Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We named our party play list daddy issues
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I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.