She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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