I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
