So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
