I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
