Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
