I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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