I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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