why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
