WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
