so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
